An interesting question, yes? At the core of that profound interrogative lies the mechanism that cheats most of us out of living the life we really want – the fear of failure and rejection.
Think about it. What is it that stops you from asking someone to dance?, making that sales call? introducing yourself to a stranger? The vast majority of us are so paralyzed by the fear of failure and rejection that we are willing to accept and settle for lives that are a dim comparison to the dreams we once held for ourselves.
WHY? The answer is really quite simple and once again, it is not our true selves that’s responsible, it’s that maniac roommate of ours that lives in our heads – our ego.
In it’s constant effort to preserve and increase itself, our ego relishes in, or more accurately, actually creates our debilitating fear of failure and rejection. In the skewed perception of the ego, if we fail at something we set out to accomplish (which is actually impossible but more on that in a bit) or we are rejected by someone, then the ego believes it will be bruised, scarred, hurt, or otherwise diminished – unacceptable. It simply will not stand for it. Thus, it paralyzes us in order to prevent such a calamity.
If we don’t step out on the limb, we won’t fall – problem solved. So we remain in the prison that we have falsely labeled a comfort zone.
There is a better way and it requires but a couple of simple realizations – awakenings if you will…
First you must acknowledge and understand the existence of the two very distinct parts of you – your true self (aka your higher self, your consciousness) and the raving lunatic called your ego.
The former is the eternal guardian of peace, happiness and unending possibility. The latter is a scarred, spoiled child attempting to satisfy it’s selfish desires via deceit and manipulation.
Does this mean you are schizophrenic? No more so than the other 6 billion souls on the planet. You experience this dualistic phenomenon every single day. For example, someone cuts you off in traffic and you go ballistic – your ego. You notice flowers in the grocery store and decide to take some home to your wife for absolutely no other reason than show her you love her – your soul.
The reality is those two events can even take place within minutes of one another and yet they are fueled by two totally different parts of you. The key is to be awake enough to realize which one is operating in you at any given time. That’s half the battle.
The second awakening is to the fallacy of the “logic” employed by your ego. It would have you believe that failure will diminish you somehow. Not true IF you are aware that there is really no such thing as failure as long as you learn something.
Take, for example, Thomas Edison’s famous response when asked if he had become tired of failure in his experiments to engineer a light bulb, “Nonsense, I have discovered over 10,000 ways not to invent a light bulb!”
Regarding the rejection of others that our ego so despises and dreads, guess what? It’s not personal – it can’t be. Most everything in our lives is there because we attracted it in some way. If something is missing, it is because we have not sought it out.
In other, less “new agey” terms, our thoughts and thus our actions about it are not congruent enough to cause it’s appearance into physical reality. Somewhere inside we either believe we don’t deserve it, we aren’t worthy, we won’t really get it, it’s too difficult, we can’t afford it, the list goes on and on.
So we cannot blame someone for rejecting or refusing to give us what the universe won’t. We gave the instructions ourselves. It can be no other way. So you see, it truly isn’t personal.
As with almost everything, the change we seek lies within, not “out there” somewhere.
So what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? The better question is, what will you do now that you know failure isn’t even in the equation?
~Edward G. Dunn
Check out the Happiness 2.0 Podcast – https://podcast.edwardgdunn.com/